What the #%&@ is the Ton?

One of my relatives read HEIRESS WITHOUT A CAUSE last night and called me to tell me he was halfway through. I was flattered that he actually read it -- given that I've known him my entire life, I was hoping he'd shell out $3.99 for it, but reading it was a bonus. And he seemed to enjoy it, although he did say there were fewer submarines in it than the stuff he normally reads (note to self: create a heroine who is into submersibles). Anyway, he mentioned that he'd had to look up more words with this book than anything he's read in a long time. "Ton" was the hardest, since a Google search for "ton" won't easily turn up an explanation on English upperclass society, but there were all sorts of words that flummoxed him ("flummoxed" included, although I don't think I used it in HEIRESS). And that led me to wonder...how do readers approaching their first Regency romance understand what the heck is going on? I read my first Regency almost twenty years ago, so I can't remember a time when I didn't know the difference between a curricle and a phaeton, or that a marquess is ranked higher than a viscount.

What words or social customs did you find confusing when you first started reading Regencies? Anyone who comments on my blog between now and Sunday, January 22nd, at 11:59pm PST will have a chance to win one of three Nook copies of HEIRESS WITHOUT A CAUSE - so have at it! Tell me what words I should define for new Regency readers, and I'll enter you in the drawing. I'll also post my definitions on Sunday, and hilarity shall ensue.

And by the way, "the ton" is short for "haut ton", a French phrase that the English used to describe their aristocratic class -- the dukes, earls, barons, and other titled people and their families who were part of the "upper ten thousand". It's sort of like a cross between the 1% and being a Hollywood A-lister, except you are born into it and can't rise into it (unless you were extremely, absurdly wealthy, and even then it would take a couple of generations and some great marriages before your family would be accepted). So Suri Cruise would be haut ton, but that upstart Snooki would never be invited to anything.

My Funny Regency Valentine - Winner!

Sadly, only two people created a valentine for the contest (even though I know that there were many more visitors lurking throughout the day). But happily, the two poems were both amazing: From: Secret Admirer on 14 February 2011

Let my guitar woo you With covers of Ke$ha and U2 Ne’er did a song sing so sweet Than after a feast of loose meat. Let our hearts combine! Clever girl — won’t you be mine?

From: Fish Monger on 15 February 2011

Ah a Fish Monger that’s what I am. I sell fish and I sell clam. I make good money that is true. I’m saving it for someone special like you.

There’s nothing better than great fish and fine wine. I would ask you to be my Valentine. But I don’t know you and you don’t know me. So I’ll just forget it and sell my fish by the sea.

Both poems hit exactly the spirit of a Regency valentine, offering some sort of pragmatic skill/riches to woo a lady. The fish monger poem ended rather pessimistically, particularly for a romance, but was still lovely.

However, there can be only one winner. I went to random.org, asked it to pick a random whole number between 1 and 2, and it chose 1. So, Secret Admirer wins! I will be in touch with your giftcard, and thanks for playing!

My Funny Regency Valentine (and a prize!)

Valentine's Day is upon us again. I've no particular love or loathing for the holiday - for me, it ranks somewhere between St. Patrick's Day and Columbus Day in terms of enjoyment. However, as a romance writer, I suppose I should give the holiday its due. And what better way to celebrate than with a contest? Read on to find out how you can write your own Regency valentine for fun and profit. The first known "valentine"-type love letter was a poem written by Charles, duc d'Orleans, in the 15th century. The duke was captured after the Battle of Agincourt and spent the next 25 years in captivity in England (back when captivity of nobles was either house arrest in grand quarters or a stint in the Tower followed by a trip to the executioner - the duke was lucky enough to receive the former, rather than the latter, and was eventually released). During his captivity, he wrote a valentine to his wife back home, with perhaps the most romantic/ridiculous use of 'etc.' in a love poem that I have ever seen.

By the Regency, publishers were starting to give advice to hapless suitors on how to write suitable valentines for their lady loves. The first advice book was published in 1797, and I found a slightly later, vastly amusing snippet of prewritten Regency-era valentines at Google Books. Starting on page 72 of THE YEAR'S FESTIVALS by Helen Philbrook Patten, the author excerpts from a book that was published in 1812 called "Cabinet of Love; or, Cupid's Repository of Choice Valentines."

I'll leave it to you to explore the excerpts, as there are several poems worth giggling over. My favorites are:

From a baker:

"In these hard times it truly may be said That half a loaf's much better than no bread; Then surely, pretty dear, you glad may be Since sure of loaves enough, to marry me."

From a shoemaker:

"A piece of charming kid you are As e'er mine eyes did see, No calf-skin smooth that e'er I saw Can be compared with thee.

You are my all, do not refuse To let us tack together; But let us join, my Valentine, Like sole and upper leather."

Now, isn't that romantic?

So this makes me curious to see if we can do any better. I'd love to see what you can come up with as a Regency-style valentine. Length is no issue - it can be a short, poorly-rhyming couplet or a marvel of epic verse. Talking up the pragmatic rationale for your love is a plus; odd puns and references to starvation are definitely encouraged.

All entries between now and nine p.m. (PST) on Tuesday are eligible, and you can enter as many times as you like. After the contest closes, I'll choose a winner randomly (using random.org). The winner will receive a $15 Amazon giftcard - so please check back on Wednesday to see if you've won! And may you all have a wonderful Valentine's Day, filled with warm bread and well-fitted shoes.