My Funny Regency Valentine (and a prize!)

Valentine's Day is upon us again. I've no particular love or loathing for the holiday - for me, it ranks somewhere between St. Patrick's Day and Columbus Day in terms of enjoyment. However, as a romance writer, I suppose I should give the holiday its due. And what better way to celebrate than with a contest? Read on to find out how you can write your own Regency valentine for fun and profit. The first known "valentine"-type love letter was a poem written by Charles, duc d'Orleans, in the 15th century. The duke was captured after the Battle of Agincourt and spent the next 25 years in captivity in England (back when captivity of nobles was either house arrest in grand quarters or a stint in the Tower followed by a trip to the executioner - the duke was lucky enough to receive the former, rather than the latter, and was eventually released). During his captivity, he wrote a valentine to his wife back home, with perhaps the most romantic/ridiculous use of 'etc.' in a love poem that I have ever seen.

By the Regency, publishers were starting to give advice to hapless suitors on how to write suitable valentines for their lady loves. The first advice book was published in 1797, and I found a slightly later, vastly amusing snippet of prewritten Regency-era valentines at Google Books. Starting on page 72 of THE YEAR'S FESTIVALS by Helen Philbrook Patten, the author excerpts from a book that was published in 1812 called "Cabinet of Love; or, Cupid's Repository of Choice Valentines."

I'll leave it to you to explore the excerpts, as there are several poems worth giggling over. My favorites are:

From a baker:

"In these hard times it truly may be said That half a loaf's much better than no bread; Then surely, pretty dear, you glad may be Since sure of loaves enough, to marry me."

From a shoemaker:

"A piece of charming kid you are As e'er mine eyes did see, No calf-skin smooth that e'er I saw Can be compared with thee.

You are my all, do not refuse To let us tack together; But let us join, my Valentine, Like sole and upper leather."

Now, isn't that romantic?

So this makes me curious to see if we can do any better. I'd love to see what you can come up with as a Regency-style valentine. Length is no issue - it can be a short, poorly-rhyming couplet or a marvel of epic verse. Talking up the pragmatic rationale for your love is a plus; odd puns and references to starvation are definitely encouraged.

All entries between now and nine p.m. (PST) on Tuesday are eligible, and you can enter as many times as you like. After the contest closes, I'll choose a winner randomly (using random.org). The winner will receive a $15 Amazon giftcard - so please check back on Wednesday to see if you've won! And may you all have a wonderful Valentine's Day, filled with warm bread and well-fitted shoes.